The current belief systems that run the world have been largely designed BY men, FOR men. Women’s duties are clearly defined and are usually if not always more stringent than men’s. The well being, rights and benefits for women are added as post script and usually in a way that’s not enough, certainly not equal.
This is why I dare say women, whatever faith or religion they are born into shouldn’t subscribe to any faith as an evangelist, supporter or promoter of it for the benefit of their own gender and for the future of upcoming generations of women.
The world runs in such a way that there are religions and cultures that dominate by majority or are expansionists with a soft or a hard/aggressive strategy. When they are expanding, they put women on pedestal to recruit them while downplaying the subjugation they bring upon women when they become powerful.
The educated, privileged, in-comfort women then become promoters/critics or active participants of the religious systems. We see women playing social media warriors for and against various faiths all the time – however what is common amongst almost all of them is how oblivious they are to the challenges of women who live subjugated because of lack of access to resources or agency to their own life.
The keyboard warriors, the intellectual thought leaders of women who are being polarised to take sides with one faith too the other haven’t seen the pain of a woman who does not have a way out of domestic violence, polygamy, financial depravity, malnourished children, unaddressed health issues and unpaid labour etc. amongst many other challenges that billions of women get subjected to on the daily basis around the world.
Women need to act like ‘voters in a democracy’ if you will. Negotiating their rights, well being and resources while being asked to take sides and asking for unjust practices to be abolished. Our collective bargaining power is immense and hence the social systems are designed to keep us away from diverse community set ups. We have a great opportunity to use social media to put our collective voices to better use than be the sheep the patriarchal world wants us to be. To collectively ask for a better life, health, opportunities and standing than what we get.
Unless a faith or religion has women at the heart of its design and doesn’t treat them as an afterthought, it is not in benefit of women to become its warriors, evangelists or even subscribers of it.
Whether you agree or disagree with me, do share your thoughts in comments below.
There was a manual. No, really. Maybe not ONE printed and published manual available for sale on Amazon, and in bookshops. But a loose verbal manual of what an ‘educated, empowered, privileged, money-earning’ woman is supposed to do and be. The archetype of a good daughter, sister, wife, mother, woman, in law, friend, employee, employer, manager, citizen, mentor, founder, homemaker etc etc.
No one spoke about how life for the superwoman is a balancing game. That she would feel the guilt of not performing in one area more than the joy of superachieveing in other areas of life. That burnout is bound to happen when the candle burns at both ends. When in trying to ‘BE’ all that she must be, there will be a moment when she’d be emptionally numb, confused about what she ‘needs’.
The midlife burnout, hormone shuffles, shifting perspectives and the spectrum that goes from regret and resentment to gratitude and achievement and how the self oscillates on it like it is a damn Rollercoaster is R.E.A.L.!
This post does not have answers or solutions to the numbness that middle age brings to the overworked women in the race of perfection. This is a call out to those who’ve been through it, are experiencing it right now or are inching to it. To tell you, that you are not hallucinating, not going crazy, that your problems aren’t imagined.
The disillusionment, the disconnect, the soul searching that you are experiencing right now – you are not alone in this. There is a generation of super achiever millennial women who feel slightly exhausted with everything around them and question how far they need to run. Worry whether they will be out of breath before they reach that imaginary finish line. And as the quiet realisation happens – there isn’t a finish line! Noone to hand water or towel at the end of this marathon and so in fear of finding ourselves alone when we pause, we keep running.
Maybe it’s time to slow down girls, pause even, for a while. Practice some self care at the cost of what seems non negotiable. Nothing is in reality. If this post makes even slight sense to you, you need to prioritise yourself over literally anything on the daily for a while. Guess what? it’s time.
A leader I coach recently said something that has stayed with me for days: “Employees need to believe that their personal success is intertwined with the success of the company.” Profound, right?
As an HR professional, I meet people across the spectrum, some with sharp clarity and grounded expectations, and others… not so much.
What’s concerning is the growing trend of entitlement without impact.
People expecting frequent promotions or big hikes simply because they: • Have put in “enough” time • Took on stretch assignments • Are “committed” • Have stayed loyal, even in struggling companies
I’ve seen this across roles, even in enabling functions like HR and Finance, where the rules applied to others don’t seem to apply to oneself for many.
Here’s the hard truth: Promotions aren’t rewards for effort alone. They’re outcomes of demonstrated business impact.
Before asking why not me?, ask: • How did I impact revenue, margins, culture, or innovation? • What did I do to create tangible value for customers or shareholders? • If I left today, what legacy or measurable change would I leave behind?
In India’s high-pressure work culture, the survival mindset often pushes people to chase titles instead of growth. But here’s the thing, you can only “job-hop” your way forward for so long. Eventually, the industry sees the pattern. Impact (or lack of it) shows.
If you’re upset over a missed promotion, pause. Ask yourself: • Do I truly understand my organization’s goals? • Have I mapped my career aspirations to business needs? • Do I have a development plan for the next 12 months?
If not, that’s your starting point. Not sulking. Not quitting (at least not without clarity). Not waiting for someone else to solve it.
Growth is earned. Ownership is yours. Build the kind of career and reputation that makes others proud to have worked with you
Leadership is not just about intentions; it’s about tangible empathy and understanding. I’ve witnessed senior professionals with sizable teams fall short in showing kindness and empathy because they believed good intentions were sufficient. However, assuming that everyone interprets “tough love” the same way, especially during challenging times, can lead to disconnect.
It’s crucial to reach out, especially in tough situations like supporting an employee with a terminal illness, comforting a grieving family, or acknowledging colleagues in high-stress environments. Introversion or shyness should never hinder a leader from expressing empathy. True leadership demands stepping out of your comfort zone to serve those in need.
Unhappy girl sitting in depression and hand helping her flat vector illustration. Cartoon sad woman embracing knees in melancholy and waiting for support. Stress and psychology concept
If your focus is solely on profit and neglecting the human connections within your organization, you’re missing the mark. Building relationships should be a top priority for any business centered around people. Empathy fosters an environment where individuals can thrive, leading to sustainable, collective success.
Dr Srishti is a noted Dentist and Human who has contributed before as well. Here is her latest – worth a read!
It is difficult to put words these days without an AI guide telling you ‘did you mean—? Other words for this are —, I can help you write it in 10 words’. Even while writing this sentence I had the urge to search for better words so that I would sound really smart to people who would read this piece. This makes me wonder if anyone’s words are their own now? Or its just AI using its brain and we using our hands like a puppet to type those words that came in a robot’s ‘mind’ while we get the false satisfaction of giving ‘prompts’. I have recently started teaching undergraduates of my field and I feel like an alien to the new language or ‘lingo’ as they call it. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against AI (I know it must be reading this right now, Jahapana tusi great ho), it is just how humans communicate with each other now. They sound really smart when it is on a digital page but when you observe their actual ‘sound’ while communicating with each other, their blank faces searching for words from an invisible screen in front of them and getting no response to their prompts, it feels like the end of an era for literature. The following example of a verbal conversation might sound familiar to teachers facing the same issue as me-
Question- ‘Dear student, can you explain what is ‘so and so’ and how does it work?
Answer- ‘Mam, I don’t know what it is exactly ‘like’ but ‘you know’ it’s more like a thing made of something like a ‘so’… Ummm… I don’t know Mam maybe it is like a ‘so’ but pakka pata nahi Mam. What was the other part of question Mam?’ (Attention span already over in the first part of the question) PERIOD
Frustrating right? Or sorry, ‘like un-liking the answer’
I have been trying to decode their language from quite some time. At first I thought maybe it is a lack of confidence in verbal communication so helping them develop better verbal skills might work, right? Wrong. Learning about their schooling background made me realize that they all were on top of their communication skills in their school days. They were all participants and some winners of their debate competitions. So what and when did it all ‘go South’ (a phrase that will go obsolete in a few years)
The one that I could understand was the fear of being judged. The resilience that previous generation had is missing from the present ones. They were ready to make mistakes and then learn from them. But the current generation fears mistakes because even their slightest mistakes have the capacity of turning into public humiliation due to social media. Did you use wrong tense in your sentence? – Here is your video or screenshot of your text on all social platforms without your consent with a side dish of bullying comments by Grammar Nazis, more comments on those comments, more re-shares, LOL and what not. And now there is a constant reminder of this poor fellow’s silly mistake. Imagine the impact on the psyche of this young individual. When we were young and we made mistakes while speaking, ‘a’ person will point them out to us, we will apologize, correct them and move on. Imagine the entire world laughing on you for that! So now, these intelligent creatures have adapted and stopped verbal communication, they prefer texts so that they can edit and correct them without the humiliation of spoken words.
Another one is the fear of offending others. This is similar to fear of judgement, but more local. If my student is answering questions but he/she forgot to address me as ‘Mam’ or a ‘superior’ (Not saying it is right, it is just how I was raised), I will get offended. The old chain of thought inside the student’s mind was- ‘Ok noted, I will be careful next time to not repeat it and addresses her the way she finds suitable. Let’s apologize, focus on the main point here.’ The present chain of thought – ‘OMG what did I do? Oh no, now she hates me, she might scold me, what if she tells others I am a bad student, I don’t know what to do to not offend her, she gets offended for no reason at all, I am being shamed, here comes the tears, ok, lets stop speaking at all, who knows what might offend her, let’s stay mum.’
I am yet to find solutions for these issues, I am at the bottom of the learning curve here. I would love the opinion of others on this. There might be grammatical errors in what I wrote above, but my brain is happy to have written it without the complete supervision of the higher intelligence, I hope I didn’t offend the almighty AI (pun intended), all hail AI!
कहीं पढ़ रहा था कि हमें उन दरवाज़ों का शुक्रगुज़ार होना चाहिए जो बंद हो गए, वो दोस्तियां जो आगे नहीं बढ़ीं और हर उस चीज़ का जो हमसे टूट या छूट गयी… यह विध्वंस महादेव की उस अटूट कृपा के समान है जो हमें उन लोगों, जगहों और चीज़ों से दूर ले जाती है […]
Dr Garima Nath is Ph D in international politics from JNU, India. She is an internationally awarded painter (instagram handle – @trillion_colours) and currently works as a Project Leader with Multiverse Consulting. Garima lost both her legs and her brother in a horrific accident at the age of 15 but that and the multiple gruelling surgeries and new life that followed didn’t stop her from her being a badass! She went on to reach UPSC finals, travelled internationally and lived and thrived alone in the city of Delhi while doing that. She loves books and currently lives in Dallas, USA with her husband. Here is her short excerpt from her recent hike which I couldnt resist sharing:
Hiking for me has always been in the list of things I will never be able to do. But today I mustered all my courage, slathered 2 layers of sunscreen, put on my shades and shoes and set out on my very first hike- friend’s trail. Although it is only 1.5 miles loop, takes about 40 mins and is considered moderately difficult. It took me about 1 hour 20 mins and NGL felt much more than 1.5 miles 😅 Not knowing what to expect I slowly made my way up the trail mindful of every pebble in my path. With every step came a boost of confidence and triumph and before I knew it the sound of wind in the trees gave way to the sound of the river water. I was proud to have completed the entire trail. Yay! Now back at the place we are staying at and chilling in the hot tub I can’t help but wonder why had I always considered hiking impossible? I agree it was tough for me and my legs are sore but it wasn’t impossible. Going forward I strongly feel the need to break all the self imposed limitations that I have piled up over the years. You might have your own self imposed limitations but my question to you is ‘are they real limitations?’
Not too long ago, there was an unusual post on my mostly professional LinkedIn feed. It was a man’s video about his 17-year-old daughter who was suicidal because someone had circulated inappropriate pictures and videos of her on social media platforms. He had made the video as an open ask to anyone who worked in the social media companies to help him take down the racy pictures and videos and kept asserting that the videos and pictures were fake. Some good Samaritan took notice and within few days the posts were taken down, he mentioned in a new video. I hope life went back to normal eventually, I do suspect that those effected, especially the girl will carry trauma and scars to show for a while though. Why did he have to plead the ‘innocence’ of the girl though, it made me wonder? As a society why is it important for us that a girl (or boy) is not seen publicly in a certain way in order to have permission to live respectfully? Even if their personal or intimate side is being shared without their consent? What are these stupid rules that we have invented on the way of becoming an evolved society?
There is an increase in deepfakes; the necessary evil accompanies the new age tech defined by artificial intelligence and its growing impact. We’ve seen a lot of movie stars, women and celebrities vehemently justifying on news over past few months that a certain video or photo of them is fake. What made it important for them to invest their energies in so fervently denying that it in fact wasn’t them in the said clip, than focusing on their work and life? What does that say about us a society? The recent announcement of Sora which can make videos on commands and the samples they have shared are a great example of how AI can be misused by those evil.
I remember back in 90s small town India, one would see vulgar sketches of women in offices and girls in schools specially in public areas like washrooms along with rude comments. I vaguely remember a scandal from my small town where the scorned boyfriend of a respectable girl circulated her naked pictures and she hanged herself. Porn has brought its own pandora’s box with it to denigrate women. How many of you, especially women, have secretly not wondered that a clip of yours trying clothes in a changing room or bathing in a hotel or any other discreet activity maybe available on some random porn site that you aren’t even aware of? How many of you feel scared that once something like that is found, even if you haven’t done anything wrong, your life and family will get impacted in a major way and your social life will be destroyed? Wondered if you’d feel like ending your life if something like this happens?
Technology, modes and levels of threats have become more twisted but the basic nature of toxic side of patriarchy where the last resort to fight back a strong and powerful feminine force is to shame, denigrate and defile her remains constant. Parents of girl kids of all ages even today worry about dangers looming around them; how delicate the girl’s ‘honor’ is and how her standing changes with one tiny leak of an intimate moment, an indiscretion. God forbid, if a respectable woman is seen by others naked or kissing or in the act of copulation – her whole character is assassinated for life. How on the contrary, senior Male politicians of current opposing national party were found in intimate acts in videos that went viral and those gentlemen are still relevant, worshipped, rich and powerful – very much the political figures in parliament. How a certain president of a powerful country was found exploiting an intern still smiles shamelessly remaining a man of power while the woman is to date judged for being the culprit. It is because this difference in how we judge women so much more than men, that the father of the teenage girl was left overtly justifying that the videos are deepfakes. In a better world, it wouldn’t have mattered for the girl that her unintended videos were uploaded, and the perpetrator would have been identified and punished along with those who participated in the circulation. With AI now this issue will become even bigger. Any scorned guy or girl who is pissed at another can create a vulgar deepfake and make it viral. What is the solution then? Keep trying to prove that a video or photo is genuine or not? Lock women int homes? Ask women to be super cautious and on guard?
Here is another way to look at it. What if we as a society stopped judging women on any explicit photos or videos or any other artefacts of them? That our opinion of them didn’t change a bit based on that information? Picture this – you see a colleague, friends, family member or acquaintance in a link that shows them in a sexual way meant to harm their reputation and it didn’t matter to you. You didn’t want to know whether the video or audio or photo is real or fake. It’s the one circulating it who’s punished, than the woman herself. She can still be your daughter in law, wife, boss, colleague, sister, sister-in-law or whatever it is that defines your relationship with her. Let us take the power away from the very act of baring a woman’s body, associating her honor with her sexual conduct – real or perceived. What if like men, we associated women’s honor with what kinds of humans they are? How they contribute to the society in the working or homemaker roles they are in? What their talents and hobbies are? With the way deepfakes amongst other AI features loom large – it is common sense, humanity, courage and a shift in perspective for good that will make us a better society. We don’t need to be spending our time identifying real from fake for this issue- we need to be changing our thinking on what defines goodness or badness; someone’s acceptance and respect, dignity and honor.
What if we killed the mal intention itself than judging someone who is a victim of having their privacy breached and misused?
There is a short movie called ‘sleeping partner’ that features Divya Dutta in an OTT short story series called ZindagiinShorts. Do watch it for how she coolly and powerfully responds to a scorned lover threatening to make their intimate videos viral. It’s like watching the Goddess at her work! THAT is the fearlessness we need to enable in our girls. We need to ensure the environment in our houses makes them fearless, powerful, and not anxious about someone trying to show them as immodest. Modesty is not something to be proven. It also isn’t without power. We need Madonnas and Devis in our daughters, mothers, sisters and women who cannot be broken by stone pelting evil minds so easily. They need to accepted in various divine feminine forms that celebrate thier femininity rather than shaming it.
As I write this blog, an AI icon hovers on my screen asking me to help write as if I the obsessive thinker and possessive writer will let AI write for me(!); AI is everywhere! Compassion and empathy and goodness in our toolkit is what will help us survive the madness. If the feminine is denigrated, we will dive the depths of darkness very soon as a society. Let’s kill the need to verify if an artefact meant to put a woman in corner is real or deepfake. let’s measure people on their humanness than trivialize them on a scale of sexual morality which by the way keeps changing every 100 years in human history.
Our girls need to be able to breathe. They need to be able to be validated for their talents than their looks. They need to feel empowered without worrying about what is available online about them to ogle. Let’s kill the power, enigma, titillation and scandal around explicit imagery used without the consent of a person and orient our kids towards what makes them better human beings, one step at a time. And this change begins from our own homes. What do you think? Can you do that?
It’s been a few months since (Jun 2023) the Titan submersible operated by the American expedition firm ‘Oceangate’ imploded while on an expedition to the Titanic wreck in North Atlantic Ocean off the Canadian coast killing all five of it’s passengers – a British paid explorer, an Asian British paid explorer along with his 19 year old son, a French technical expert and the CEO of Oceangate. It’s notable that each of the three tourists would have paid a hefty $250,000 for their seats for the experience so it was a big ticket business indeed.
Since the discovery of the titanic wreckage which got insanely elevated after the Cameron movie in the 90s, there has been deep interest from experts and noobs alike in going to the titanic wreckage site as a bucket list activity. The fact that it lies 3810 m below sea level is not a deterrent but seems to egg on enthusiasts more, just the way a climb to Mt Everest does at 8848 m above sea level in the death zone. Clearly a heady mix of money, social media’s impact and lack of meaningful life goals leads those who haven’t spent a hot minute training to brave the elements, want to go to depth of oceans or peaks of the world. Or on the other side you could define the marvel that human curiosity and courage is through such pursuits. Guess this one is a write up of the paradoxes!
The CEO of OceanGate Stockton Rush was notorious for flouting regulatory requirements when he could as he believed and has publically stated them to be a hindrance to innovation. He’s quoted in a 2022 interview calling ‘safety, a pure waste’ at one point. You can google away his passion for innovation and notably his belief that safety is a ‘hinderance’ to innovation.
So I come to my questions, 1) At what stage does does the desire to innovate and do something different become so intense that human life, basic safety sense and common sense leave the building 2) Do we as a society celebrate the wins without proportionately weighing the ‘how’ of those wins? Do results overweigh the values which were at work to achieve them? 3) Where does the buck stop with risks? When do we know in our life and work that a line has been crossed with risk which puts not ourselves but others’ life, livelihood, health or other fundamentals on the edge without them knowing about it? 4)Is there a proportionality between the cause for which the risk is being taken, and the size of the risk?
For instance, soldiers risk their lives knowingly to protect the life of civillians, firefighters, cops and such also do for a noble cause. But there is little merit in putting people through same level of life risk for a toy making company testing path breaking innovative AI based toys.
There are those who speak about Rush’s passion for innovation and mention that titan would have been celebrated along with his risk taking capability had things not gone fatefully wrong. But that combined with the history of his attitude towards safety show that enough education to ALL his customers and general public wasn’t given about safety risks and facts were moulded. Otherwise the 19 year old who solely took the trip to please his father, terrified as he was, didn’t have to die.
There is a big yet simple lesson for us all as leaders, employees, entrepreneurs, humans et al from this tragedy. It is not to not take risk. But weigh the cost of the risk on our stakeholders and be clear about it to them. And then when they come onboard it makes sense. Integrity and passion when put together on a scale – passion will always be outweighed by integrity. Those who put their lives, savings, loved ones, health or anything crucial on line for you as they play beside you need to be educated about what they are putting on line and be ok with it. When that happens – it’s true Leadership and Camaraderie at play. When you have to hide what people are having to bet to go along a risky journey with you that can be labelled many different vices, none of them deserve to have the word innovation, leadership or vision around them. It can be Machiavellian to get people onboard on a risky project or vision without telling them about the risk but then you don’t deserve the credit of the win as much as you totally are responsible for messing up for yourself and them.
There is also courage and honesty in sacrificing the innovation so as to not cross the line of life at risk or anything that your conscience or value system doesnt allow you to hedge away. If that wasn’t true, animal testing of cosmetics would still be normalised and not a topic of debate. Corporate integrity maybe a touchy topic but personal integrity is never one.
What’s your views on this topic? Did this tragedy evoke any thoughts or insights in your mind? Did you take any lessons and reflections from it back in your life? Do share with me, I’d love to chat on this further.
Nehapedia 