The current belief systems that run the world have been largely designed BY men, FOR men. Women’s duties are clearly defined and are usually if not always more stringent than men’s. The well being, rights and benefits for women are added as post script and usually in a way that’s not enough, certainly not equal.
This is why I dare say women, whatever faith or religion they are born into shouldn’t subscribe to any faith as an evangelist, supporter or promoter of it for the benefit of their own gender and for the future of upcoming generations of women.
The world runs in such a way that there are religions and cultures that dominate by majority or are expansionists with a soft or a hard/aggressive strategy. When they are expanding, they put women on pedestal to recruit them while downplaying the subjugation they bring upon women when they become powerful.
The educated, privileged, in-comfort women then become promoters/critics or active participants of the religious systems. We see women playing social media warriors for and against various faiths all the time – however what is common amongst almost all of them is how oblivious they are to the challenges of women who live subjugated because of lack of access to resources or agency to their own life.
The keyboard warriors, the intellectual thought leaders of women who are being polarised to take sides with one faith too the other haven’t seen the pain of a woman who does not have a way out of domestic violence, polygamy, financial depravity, malnourished children, unaddressed health issues and unpaid labour etc. amongst many other challenges that billions of women get subjected to on the daily basis around the world.
Women need to act like ‘voters in a democracy’ if you will. Negotiating their rights, well being and resources while being asked to take sides and asking for unjust practices to be abolished. Our collective bargaining power is immense and hence the social systems are designed to keep us away from diverse community set ups. We have a great opportunity to use social media to put our collective voices to better use than be the sheep the patriarchal world wants us to be. To collectively ask for a better life, health, opportunities and standing than what we get.
Unless a faith or religion has women at the heart of its design and doesn’t treat them as an afterthought, it is not in benefit of women to become its warriors, evangelists or even subscribers of it.
Whether you agree or disagree with me, do share your thoughts in comments below.
Leadership is not just about intentions; it’s about tangible empathy and understanding. I’ve witnessed senior professionals with sizable teams fall short in showing kindness and empathy because they believed good intentions were sufficient. However, assuming that everyone interprets “tough love” the same way, especially during challenging times, can lead to disconnect.
It’s crucial to reach out, especially in tough situations like supporting an employee with a terminal illness, comforting a grieving family, or acknowledging colleagues in high-stress environments. Introversion or shyness should never hinder a leader from expressing empathy. True leadership demands stepping out of your comfort zone to serve those in need.
Unhappy girl sitting in depression and hand helping her flat vector illustration. Cartoon sad woman embracing knees in melancholy and waiting for support. Stress and psychology concept
If your focus is solely on profit and neglecting the human connections within your organization, you’re missing the mark. Building relationships should be a top priority for any business centered around people. Empathy fosters an environment where individuals can thrive, leading to sustainable, collective success.
Dr Garima Nath is Ph D in international politics from JNU, India. She is an internationally awarded painter (instagram handle – @trillion_colours) and currently works as a Project Leader with Multiverse Consulting. Garima lost both her legs and her brother in a horrific accident at the age of 15 but that and the multiple gruelling surgeries and new life that followed didn’t stop her from her being a badass! She went on to reach UPSC finals, travelled internationally and lived and thrived alone in the city of Delhi while doing that. She loves books and currently lives in Dallas, USA with her husband. Here is her short excerpt from her recent hike which I couldnt resist sharing:
Hiking for me has always been in the list of things I will never be able to do. But today I mustered all my courage, slathered 2 layers of sunscreen, put on my shades and shoes and set out on my very first hike- friend’s trail. Although it is only 1.5 miles loop, takes about 40 mins and is considered moderately difficult. It took me about 1 hour 20 mins and NGL felt much more than 1.5 miles 😅 Not knowing what to expect I slowly made my way up the trail mindful of every pebble in my path. With every step came a boost of confidence and triumph and before I knew it the sound of wind in the trees gave way to the sound of the river water. I was proud to have completed the entire trail. Yay! Now back at the place we are staying at and chilling in the hot tub I can’t help but wonder why had I always considered hiking impossible? I agree it was tough for me and my legs are sore but it wasn’t impossible. Going forward I strongly feel the need to break all the self imposed limitations that I have piled up over the years. You might have your own self imposed limitations but my question to you is ‘are they real limitations?’
Not too long ago, there was an unusual post on my mostly professional LinkedIn feed. It was a man’s video about his 17-year-old daughter who was suicidal because someone had circulated inappropriate pictures and videos of her on social media platforms. He had made the video as an open ask to anyone who worked in the social media companies to help him take down the racy pictures and videos and kept asserting that the videos and pictures were fake. Some good Samaritan took notice and within few days the posts were taken down, he mentioned in a new video. I hope life went back to normal eventually, I do suspect that those effected, especially the girl will carry trauma and scars to show for a while though. Why did he have to plead the ‘innocence’ of the girl though, it made me wonder? As a society why is it important for us that a girl (or boy) is not seen publicly in a certain way in order to have permission to live respectfully? Even if their personal or intimate side is being shared without their consent? What are these stupid rules that we have invented on the way of becoming an evolved society?
There is an increase in deepfakes; the necessary evil accompanies the new age tech defined by artificial intelligence and its growing impact. We’ve seen a lot of movie stars, women and celebrities vehemently justifying on news over past few months that a certain video or photo of them is fake. What made it important for them to invest their energies in so fervently denying that it in fact wasn’t them in the said clip, than focusing on their work and life? What does that say about us a society? The recent announcement of Sora which can make videos on commands and the samples they have shared are a great example of how AI can be misused by those evil.
I remember back in 90s small town India, one would see vulgar sketches of women in offices and girls in schools specially in public areas like washrooms along with rude comments. I vaguely remember a scandal from my small town where the scorned boyfriend of a respectable girl circulated her naked pictures and she hanged herself. Porn has brought its own pandora’s box with it to denigrate women. How many of you, especially women, have secretly not wondered that a clip of yours trying clothes in a changing room or bathing in a hotel or any other discreet activity maybe available on some random porn site that you aren’t even aware of? How many of you feel scared that once something like that is found, even if you haven’t done anything wrong, your life and family will get impacted in a major way and your social life will be destroyed? Wondered if you’d feel like ending your life if something like this happens?
Technology, modes and levels of threats have become more twisted but the basic nature of toxic side of patriarchy where the last resort to fight back a strong and powerful feminine force is to shame, denigrate and defile her remains constant. Parents of girl kids of all ages even today worry about dangers looming around them; how delicate the girl’s ‘honor’ is and how her standing changes with one tiny leak of an intimate moment, an indiscretion. God forbid, if a respectable woman is seen by others naked or kissing or in the act of copulation – her whole character is assassinated for life. How on the contrary, senior Male politicians of current opposing national party were found in intimate acts in videos that went viral and those gentlemen are still relevant, worshipped, rich and powerful – very much the political figures in parliament. How a certain president of a powerful country was found exploiting an intern still smiles shamelessly remaining a man of power while the woman is to date judged for being the culprit. It is because this difference in how we judge women so much more than men, that the father of the teenage girl was left overtly justifying that the videos are deepfakes. In a better world, it wouldn’t have mattered for the girl that her unintended videos were uploaded, and the perpetrator would have been identified and punished along with those who participated in the circulation. With AI now this issue will become even bigger. Any scorned guy or girl who is pissed at another can create a vulgar deepfake and make it viral. What is the solution then? Keep trying to prove that a video or photo is genuine or not? Lock women int homes? Ask women to be super cautious and on guard?
Here is another way to look at it. What if we as a society stopped judging women on any explicit photos or videos or any other artefacts of them? That our opinion of them didn’t change a bit based on that information? Picture this – you see a colleague, friends, family member or acquaintance in a link that shows them in a sexual way meant to harm their reputation and it didn’t matter to you. You didn’t want to know whether the video or audio or photo is real or fake. It’s the one circulating it who’s punished, than the woman herself. She can still be your daughter in law, wife, boss, colleague, sister, sister-in-law or whatever it is that defines your relationship with her. Let us take the power away from the very act of baring a woman’s body, associating her honor with her sexual conduct – real or perceived. What if like men, we associated women’s honor with what kinds of humans they are? How they contribute to the society in the working or homemaker roles they are in? What their talents and hobbies are? With the way deepfakes amongst other AI features loom large – it is common sense, humanity, courage and a shift in perspective for good that will make us a better society. We don’t need to be spending our time identifying real from fake for this issue- we need to be changing our thinking on what defines goodness or badness; someone’s acceptance and respect, dignity and honor.
What if we killed the mal intention itself than judging someone who is a victim of having their privacy breached and misused?
There is a short movie called ‘sleeping partner’ that features Divya Dutta in an OTT short story series called ZindagiinShorts. Do watch it for how she coolly and powerfully responds to a scorned lover threatening to make their intimate videos viral. It’s like watching the Goddess at her work! THAT is the fearlessness we need to enable in our girls. We need to ensure the environment in our houses makes them fearless, powerful, and not anxious about someone trying to show them as immodest. Modesty is not something to be proven. It also isn’t without power. We need Madonnas and Devis in our daughters, mothers, sisters and women who cannot be broken by stone pelting evil minds so easily. They need to accepted in various divine feminine forms that celebrate thier femininity rather than shaming it.
As I write this blog, an AI icon hovers on my screen asking me to help write as if I the obsessive thinker and possessive writer will let AI write for me(!); AI is everywhere! Compassion and empathy and goodness in our toolkit is what will help us survive the madness. If the feminine is denigrated, we will dive the depths of darkness very soon as a society. Let’s kill the need to verify if an artefact meant to put a woman in corner is real or deepfake. let’s measure people on their humanness than trivialize them on a scale of sexual morality which by the way keeps changing every 100 years in human history.
Our girls need to be able to breathe. They need to be able to be validated for their talents than their looks. They need to feel empowered without worrying about what is available online about them to ogle. Let’s kill the power, enigma, titillation and scandal around explicit imagery used without the consent of a person and orient our kids towards what makes them better human beings, one step at a time. And this change begins from our own homes. What do you think? Can you do that?
It’s Saturday night, half past eleven. I am wrapping up the day finally in some moments of solitude as I shut the locks, lights, fill up water, clean the pantry et al. My mind and I are in a subconscious performance discussion. As I scan and clean my son’s room I am thinking of how we haven’t spent quality time whole week, what with long workdays, and even on Saturday I was out completing chores. He deserves more of my time and attention with studies and play than what I have given him this week. Specially, since he is been doing online school for 15 months now.. I shut his room, make a mental note for next week in the parent’s tab of my brain, I reach my office to scan some weekend emails and shut the laptop. I am now thinking about how I said no to a couple of meeting requests from colleagues in UK/US who wanted to speak at 7/9 PM my time during a couple of weekdays as I was in the kitchen and how I could have done more work, paid more attention, finished two more meetings this week. I could have been a more productive employee if I gave more time to work. I listen to my own chastising and slightly irritated now, shut the office and see my husband repairing something in one room and my mom watching her favorite TV show in another. I am filled with guilt thinking I need to do more to help my husband around the house and spent more time with ma – she is lonely away from her town, almost homebound at my house for covid safety reasons. She is getting older and she needs my company to counter loneliness. I also think by the way of two relatives, five friends and few acquaintances who I have been wanting to call for days now but haven’t been able to. The kitchen looks like it needs additional attention, it makes me feel like a lousy woman. Overwhelmed now by my own bashing, anxious and troubled, I rush up to sleep, remove my fitness tracker to put it on charge and chide myself with another glare about the walk and exercise I have missed for three days this week because of how hot it has been and also how my grey hair need a recolour that’s been overdue.
Suddenly an epiphany (sort of) strikes, my mind is numb and I sit down on my bed a little shocked. For the past 30 minutes after a long day of chores, I have given a mental assessment to myself about how I have not done enough as a mom, daughter, wife, employee, homemaker and a person. This is my self talk. Am I telling myself I didn’t do enough because I secretly feel I am not enough? And this is when I have a partner, who never stops gushing about how much I try to do in my life, appreciates me, and encourages me constantly. I have cheerleaders in my life and yet in a vulnerable moment my first instinct is to shoot myself for all that I have not picked up. Suddenly all the women’s magazine articles talking about perfect women, Instagram and Pinterest pages, TV shows all come together and I realise the subconscious utopian standards to be perfect at everything I have built for myself, that I am bashing myself for. Do stakeholders in each of these areas also find me as imperfect or sucky as I am telling myself to be? And even if they do, does it matter at the cost of happiness, health and peace?
Working mothers in a culture like ours are not celebrated enough for the multitasking they need to do. The moment we start talking about it, it needs to be appropriated and balanced with talks about contribution of fathers and grandmothers and homemaker parents for political correctness. But if we just pick up the topic of working mothers at once, as someone has famously said, they are expected to be mothers like they have no job, they are expected to work for office like they haven’t got children. In lockdown, my son’s school has made no mention challenges of working mothers, neither have attempted to shape the curriculum in a way that helps mums who can’t sit with their children while office goes on during school time. And this is an international school. This is a school that assessed whether I am an educated and employed mother while interviewing for admission. By default they do address any communication to mothers because for 100% of my son’s class it is the mothers who are primarily responsible for children’s studies – working at office or home. Despite knowing that children’s education is primarily a mother’s job by default generally, most schools haven’t considered the flexibility or breathing space working mothers need with children’s education during the pandemic.
There are expectations from everywhere and defined standards of perfection. The bar keeps going higher and higher every time. And we don’t make this constant hustling any easier on ourselves. Rewards make us feel guilty, neither do we coach our minds to first pat ourselves on the back for how much we have achieved. Healthy and happy kids at home, safe family, being a friend to our partner, happy team at work – all were achieved this week but all that my mind once let loose, focused on was the have nots. What we women do to ourselves is self criticise, not self forgive. There is a manager and an employee in my head and this self assessment and criticism for not doing enough is a constant battle. There is an immense amount of effort needed to become self forgiving. To become accepting of not being perfect in each area is an art I do believe. As a coach, I am quite sure that some coach somewhere has figured out a mantra to do that and it just needs to be found out.
For now what I am going to do is balance out wanting to make everything perfect and being grateful with also being self loving and appreciating. Every time, I bash myself for what isn’t done, I will consciously thank myself for what IS done. I will thank the woman, mother, wife, daughter, leader, employee, sister, friend et al for remembering to be who they are and putting in all the effort that they could. I will forgive myself for my shortcomings of the week and clink glasses with the mirror for a little TLC. Yes there are people in my life who love and value my contribution, but firstly, I need to do that myself. In thirty years from now, if I am alive, it wouldn’t matter what I did on day to day and what I couldn’t – I need to keep that in mind.
We need to normalise life in all its reality as being what it is. Move away from the Instagram version of reality and aims of perfection and embrace today, warts and all. This perennial guilt that comes as an occupational hazard of the roles multitasking women play, we need to keep it in check and balance it with self appreciation and self acceptance.
I hope when I am repeating this process next weekend, I’ll be kind to myself. And remember that I do enough. I am enough. I cannot control everything because I am not God, but I can fill the spaces left incomplete at home and at work with love, compassion and kindness. Every time I find myself beat down by anyone for not doing enough, I hope to find my cape of achievements lying around the house – my happy and healthy child and partner, my safe and warm home, my mom and rest of family, my work achievements and happy team, my friends, my pet projects, books, music, dreams of travel and fly high to tune out the noise of negativity. Because I am enough and this imperfect world of mine is perfect for me right now and will do just fine. 🙂
They say every crisis within it carries gifts, if only you look for them. Right when Corona was beginning to dig its fangs in India, I met Aneesha, the Co-founder of Language Curry, a platform for learning Indian languages. It was my gift in Corona times to have met Aneesha and see her drive and capability towards her business. We clicked immediately and I found her to be inspirational, determined, passionate about her platform and app, and in true entrepreneurial fashion dedicated to it 24 by 7. As I got to know her more and developed familiarity and acquaintance leading up to a new friendship, I got to know more about her story -How she was born and brought up in Gujarat and Canada, how her roots called her back to India and how her life in Canada inspired her to start language curry.
I admired few things immediately about her story – that she did challenge and voice out the bias that women entrepreneurs face because of their gender with investors and public.
And that she has the courage to dream, to turn it into reality in a still heavily patriarchal society of India.
And that, from India she is playing a huge part in promoting Indian languages around the world and helping people connect with our country.
If these initiatives and projects don’t deserve support, funding and even government recognition, then I don’t know what does. Such initiatives are such a support to our ‘make in India’ vision, travel sector and others too. The apps are available on android playstore and iOS with good reviews!
Here is a small chat with Aneesha that is sure to inspire you about her dream and pet project Langauage Curry and give you some meaningful insight on the world of entrepreneurship and helpful advice related to it!
Tell us about language curry? How, when and why did you start it?
Language Curry is an app to learn Indian languages and connect to India’s rich culture.
I moved to Canada when I was 17 and lived there for almost 10 years, my parents were very strict about not forgetting our roots, speaking in Hindi at home and not faking an accent. Also during my time in Canada I experienced the need amongst NRI’s to connect with India and the culture. And the starting point to a culture is usually Language. So I believe my personal experiences coupled with the parenting and the innate patriot in me, left me wanting to solve this problem.
Is there an appetite for Indian languages in the west? Why?
Yes for sure, although my inspiration came from NRI’s . We soon realized there are so many reasons why other segments also want to learn Indian languages. Few top ones are: being married to or dating Indians, because 1 in 6 people in the world is an Indian ! Expats who work in India or work with Indians and tourists who want to experience India in a richer way.
Sanskrit unfortunately is no longer a language of conversations. What is driving people to learn Sanskrit and/or teach it?
Launching Sanskrit was purely an instinctive feeling after seeing how Yoga has taken over the world. I always said to my co-founders that Sanskrit would be the next yoga! We have seen an immense take rate amongst Indians to reconnect with Sanskrit to better understand the scriptures. Sanskrit opens doors to so much in our culture – Ayurveda, Vedas, Upanishads, Gita even various scientific and historic scriptures. Internationally as well, Sanskrit is being considered the most scientific and grammatically correct language. We want to bust the myth that Sanskrit is only the Language of Gods, its much more than that and unless we accept it as a conversational language it wouldn’t be learnt and retained in an effective manner.
What is the future of Sanskrit and Indian languages?
India is global point of interest now. The world is looking to us not only as an economic opportunity but also as a soft power. Indians themselves are rising above the colonial complexes and taking pride in their culture. Although English would be the one language that would connect the globe, Hindi, Sanskrit and regional Indian languages would only strengthen the connect within India and for all those who want to connect with Indians.
As a woman entrepreneur what unique advantages and challenges have you faced?
Although qualities for an entrepreneur are pretty gender neutral. But as women especially mothers the abilities of multi tasking and patience really help! Women are great at taking calculated risks, managing teams, dreaming big and being realistic at the same time.
One of the big challenge or bias I faced was of building a company while raising my child. If a father works from home on his start up no one questions his commitment level but for some reason if women work from home there is a bias that she is not giving enough hours to work. When in actuality when you are committed to your dream, trust me , man or woman both will give in more than expected with respect to time and money.
Is there an appetite for Indian languages in India?
Yes for sure. Even we were taken for surprise when we saw the kind of response we got from south Indians wanting to learning Hindi, in fact more than 80% of our Hindi users are south Indians learning for better networking, relationships or even Bollywood!
Similarly Urban Migration and inter region marriages is big factor for someone to learn the local language. Many argue that English works but its so much more fun if you can speak the local language, truly appreciate the culture and gain respect from locals for the effort.
What advice do you have for women wanting to venture in entrepreneurship?
Go for it if you are passionate about an idea and there is something beyond financial gratification that drives you. My advice would be to first build a team who believes in the idea as much if not more. I truly believe for a stable start you need a rock solid team. Secondly, never shy away from asking for help from family, friends, customers, colleagues etc. Many wont help, but the few who will would really be your pillars in good and bad times.
Nehapedia 