life – Nehapedia

(a)I AT A LOSS OF WORDS! -GUEST BLOG by Dr Srishti

Dr Srishti is a noted Dentist and Human who has contributed before as well. Here is her latest – worth a read!

It is difficult to put words these days without an AI guide telling you ‘did you mean—? Other words for this are —, I can help you write it in 10 words’. Even while writing this sentence I had the urge to search for better words so that I would sound really smart to people who would read this piece. This makes me wonder if anyone’s words are their own now? Or its just AI using its brain and we using our hands like a puppet to type those words that came in a robot’s ‘mind’ while we get the false satisfaction of giving ‘prompts’. I have recently started teaching undergraduates of my field and I feel like an alien to the new language or ‘lingo’ as they call it. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against AI (I know it must be reading this right now, Jahapana tusi great ho), it is just how humans communicate with each other now. They sound really smart when it is on a digital page but when you observe their actual ‘sound’ while communicating with each other, their blank faces searching for words from an invisible screen in front of them and getting no response to their prompts, it feels like the end of an era for literature. The following example of a verbal conversation might sound familiar to teachers facing the same issue as me-

Question- ‘Dear student, can you explain what is ‘so and so’ and how does it work?

Answer- ‘Mam, I don’t know what it is exactly ‘like’ but ‘you know’ it’s more like a thing made of something like a ‘so’… Ummm… I don’t know Mam maybe it is like a ‘so’ but pakka pata nahi Mam. What was the other part of question Mam?’ (Attention span already over in the first part of the question) PERIOD

Frustrating right? Or sorry, ‘like un-liking the answer’

I have been trying to decode their language from quite some time. At first I thought maybe it is a lack of confidence in verbal communication so helping them develop better verbal skills might work, right? Wrong. Learning about their schooling background made me realize that they all were on top of their communication skills in their school days. They were all participants and some winners of their debate competitions. So what and when did it all ‘go South’ (a phrase that will go obsolete in a few years)

The one that I could understand was the fear of being judged. The resilience that previous generation had is missing from the present ones. They were ready to make mistakes and then learn from them. But the current generation fears mistakes because even their slightest mistakes have the capacity of turning into public humiliation due to social media. Did you use wrong tense in your sentence? – Here is your video or screenshot of your text on all social platforms without your consent with a side dish of bullying comments by Grammar Nazis, more comments on those comments, more re-shares, LOL and what not. And now there is a constant reminder of this poor fellow’s silly mistake. Imagine the impact on the psyche of this young individual. When we were young and we made mistakes while speaking, ‘a’ person will point them out to us, we will apologize, correct them and move on. Imagine the entire world laughing on you for that! So now, these intelligent creatures have adapted and stopped verbal communication, they prefer texts so that they can edit and correct them without the humiliation of spoken words.

Another one is the fear of offending others. This is similar to fear of judgement, but more local. If my student is answering questions but he/she forgot to address me as ‘Mam’ or a ‘superior’ (Not saying it is right, it is just how I was raised), I will get offended. The old chain of thought inside the student’s mind was- ‘Ok noted, I will be careful next time to not repeat it and addresses her the way she finds suitable. Let’s apologize, focus on the main point here.’ The present chain of thought – ‘OMG what did I do? Oh no, now she hates me, she might scold me, what if she tells others I am a bad student, I don’t know what to do to not offend her, she gets offended for no reason at all, I am being shamed, here comes the tears, ok, lets stop speaking at all, who knows what might offend her, let’s stay mum.’

I am yet to find solutions for these issues, I am at the bottom of the learning curve here. I would love the opinion of others on this. There might be grammatical errors in what I wrote above, but my brain is happy to have written it without the complete supervision of the higher intelligence, I hope I didn’t offend the almighty AI (pun intended), all hail AI!

Guest Blog by Dr Garima Nath: Hiking with my bionic legs

Dr Garima Nath is Ph D in international politics from JNU, India. She is an internationally awarded painter (instagram handle – @trillion_colours) and currently works as a Project Leader with Multiverse Consulting. Garima lost both her legs and her brother in a horrific accident at the age of 15 but that and the multiple gruelling surgeries and new life that followed didn’t stop her from her being a badass! She went on to reach UPSC finals, travelled internationally and lived and thrived alone in the city of Delhi while doing that. She loves books and currently lives in Dallas, USA with her husband. Here is her short excerpt from her recent hike which I couldnt resist sharing:

Hiking for me has always been in the list of things I will never be able to do. But today I mustered all my courage, slathered 2 layers of sunscreen, put on my shades and shoes and set out on my very first hike- friend’s trail. Although it is only 1.5 miles loop, takes about 40 mins and is considered moderately difficult. It took me about 1 hour 20 mins and NGL felt much more than 1.5 miles 😅
Not knowing what to expect I slowly made my way up the trail mindful of every pebble in my path. With every step came a boost of confidence and triumph and before I knew it the sound of wind in the trees gave way to the sound of the river water. I was proud to have completed the entire trail. Yay!
Now back at the place we are staying at and chilling in the hot tub I can’t help but wonder why had I always considered hiking impossible? I agree it was tough for me and my legs are sore but it wasn’t impossible. Going forward I strongly feel the need to break all the self imposed limitations that I have piled up over the years.
You might have your own self imposed limitations but my question to you is ‘are they real limitations?’

My journey with Handloom Love

People who know me well, know I am passionate about promoting knowledge and awareness of the rich handloom heritage of India. People who know me for long know that I have not been interested in clothes or textiles beyond looking at them as necessity for the larger part of my life – handloom love is a new found love. My better half on the other hand, is a bit of an authority on sartorial elegance. He has an eye for fabrics, a sharp eye for requisite distance between buttons of a shirt and even finer nuances. So I have dragged myself along with him on his quests to find the perfect garment or accessory for him, me and our loved ones for years now.

Dressing elegantly, modestly and simply has been my style mantra. Sarees have always held a special place in my heart and wardrobe. Chikankari of lucknow thus has been a constant in the wardrobe and so have the sarees from Nalli, Fabindia, Mrignayani or even the much more easy on pocket florals from GardenVarelli mills.

On one of the customary trips few years back to a craft fair, as I was shopping for my only brother’s upcoming wedding and looking for a special saree. Or Two. 😉

Rishi has the art of making conversation with everyone and as we got talking to the Banarasi weaver who had come to the fair, it was hours for which we kept sitting at the shop listening to the nuances of kaduwa and fekua styles of weaving and the beauty and uniqueness of Janglas and Shikargahs and Tilfis and Tanchois.. it was just awe inspiring that one city of India has numerous styles of weaving and patterns and all I knew was that a shining silk saree is called a Banarasi saree. I couldn’t even differentiate between a Kanjivaram and Banrasi back then if someone had asked me to. I didn’t know that the same saree that is woven on a loom in hours, days, weeks, months and sometimes years is cheaply imitated in a mill where thousands of imitations can be belted out in a matter of minutes. Anyway, we bought few beautiful handloom sarees and came back.

I kept looking at my saree shopping from Nalli and the Banarasi weaver from the craft fair that day and replaying the conversation in my head repeatedly. I could explain to a cousin that day the difference between the kanjivaram and Banarasi saree that I got that day. Fascinated by the special garment and the story behind it, my research oriented self went on internet to search for handloom fabrics and sarees and how they are made. Little did I know that it was a rabbit hole, so deep that I will be immersed in it for years. With hundreds of weaves, thousands of craft kinds Indian textile history is rich and changes to bring a new variation every ten miles, figuratively speaking, just like the dialects of India.

The meticulous and eco friendly processes used to weave, embroider, paint, stitch the sarees are fascinating to say the least. I found out about the muslins made in India that were so thin that you could fold a six yard saree and keep it in a matchbox. The thin as air garments that were sold for their weight in gold and played a huge part in India’s rich past of prosperity. Equally horrid are the tales of deliberate destruction of the same crafts with the advent of Industrial revolution, the mills of Europe and promotion of power mill made cloth in India.

There are some blessed souls who have dedicated their lives for the revival of these handicrafts and for promoting the saree. I am merely a student of the subject right now who is trying to understand about Handlooms and Handspun fabric and trying to buy more eco friendly clothing consciously, when I need to.

I truly feel it is a shame for us to not know about our rich textile history and it should be taught in school curriculum not just in fashion but from a point of view of economics, politics, art and science as well.

India ran with 20% GDP of the entire world 3-4 centuries back, a big credit of which goes to it’s textile prowess which was sytemically killed by colonisers to make us poor, needy, supliers of raw material for it to churn finished good in new found mills durin industrial revolution of the west and sold back to us while our ancestors died of famines and poverty.

The handloom produced cloth not only has a rich heritage with hundreds of art forms of weaving, embroidery and such but also is eco friendly with virtually zero negative impact on environment while fast fashion remains to be the second biggest pollutant of earth.

Slow fashion needs to be brought back in trend and made cool again. The breathable natural fabrics need to replace hoardes of cheap rayon that stuff Indian wardrobes and do nothing for the appearance of individual or the environment. I’d certainly recommend one and all to learn more about the handloom heritage of our world and invest in handloom clothing in their own small way. You’ll not only be promoting true artisans, autonomy and small businesses, but will also be contributing to creating a greener planet while ensuring you look classy!

How I ended my toxic obsession with food..

I have lived most of my late 20’s being slightly overweight and almost all of my 30’s being obese. In the past two years I have shed almost 40 kgs of extra weight which is more than 40% of body weight I have carried for a long time. Most of my weight loss happened in 2021 through a structured regime and with an expert weight loss coach. No gymming or heavy exercises were involved in this regimented weight loss program, neither were my calories restricted. Someday, I will surely share what my program was like but today I broadly want to tell you that in the crux of it, it was all about changing my relationship with food.

For the longest time I had been living to eat, and not eating to live. It’s a funny saying that “foodies” love to say and I used to do the same. But today I want to open up about the toxic relationship I shared with food that continued for a long time.

At a difficult time, many years ago, I lost a lot of relationships instantly in life that I’d known as a child – my whole maternal and paternal family barring less than a handful of people, left my life. Uncles, aunts, cousins, all but few abandoned me. Dad wasn’t around anyway since he had passed on many years back. The relationships that I was left to count on were barely few weeks old. Work was stressful as I was growing faster in my career than my young age could handle, the expectations from a 25 year old me at a new home as an elder daughter in law were those that are from a 45 year old. Not many had seen my struggles so they didn’t care what my past or my trauma has been like or feels like, for no fault of theirs as their frame of reference couldn’t fathom what I had been through or the cushion I needed. My physical appearance had always been peculiar due to a skin condition and my metabolism was screwed. Back then, I didn’t give myself the option to say to anyone that I am not ok, that I am struggling. As a child I was taught that asking for help means you are weak! I had nowhere to hide, no one to reach for comfort and pampering. I had no friends who would be there for me, just kind acquaintances who helped if and when I asked them to.

I have always been a survivor. I instinctively turn to what will help me stay afloat and good tasting food for one reason or other was easily accessible and affordable in those days. This had come as a blessing after years of not getting tasty food either due to medical treatments or lack of money. After hours of smiling, being at my best behaviour, with no one to talk to about my real feelings, not even a proper ‘my’ home to go back to at the end of the day, or ‘parents house’ to go back to, I turned to food. I could ‘talk’ to good food. I could eat as much as I wanted and the food wouldn’t judge me or stare back at me for over eating it. I could eat whenever I wanted, as many times as I wanted.

Because my coping strategies were next to nil, I couldn’t be an alcoholic or a drug addict, and because my own consumption of food was the only thing in my life that I could control, I embraced food as the only thing I could hold on to. It kept me sane. I’d counterbalance meetings with tough stakeholders or toxic colleagues with a loaded cold coffee with chocolate. I’d soothe myself for the lack of friends or family with mutton biryani. I’d end a rough day at home with six chapatis and rice along with three bowls of rice and sabzi. I’d counter lack of sleep at night by reaching the fridge post midnight to gorge on gulabjamuns or half a can of condensed milk.

I am not berating my past self for doing that as survival is tricky business. Food and consuming it this was has genuinely kept me sane, away from mental breakdowns I just couldn’t afford and dare I say, kept me alive, away from dark thoughts of ending my life many a times.

Food thus became something my soul needed. My emotions became associated with it and that’s how I gave access of my feelings and sanity to food. A good portion of my favourite food could take away the worst of experiences and help me understand and think how to cope with what’s ahead. It could soothe my bruised heart or mind and prepare me for the next days’ grind. I didn’t care if someone told me I am hogging onto it because they didn’t see the reason for my ‘emotional eating’ . So I’d smile, listen to their concern and ridicule it in my mind.

The few years of doing that stunted my metabolism and started putting pressure on my vital organs. Fatty liver, high cholesterol and high sugar levels became normal and by the time I wanted to lose weight, my body became resistant. It got ‘addicted’ to sugar, wanting frequent meals, large portions and sugar rich foods. I’d get ‘hangry’ and despite heavy workouts and killing myself in gyms or on jogs in hot North Indian weather the scale wouldn’t budge. The heavy workouts would make me more tired and hungry and I’d lose it and gorge back into big meals in frustration eventually giving up on diets. I was looking at weight loss as a punishment and deprivation of food and being away from food was making me sad, upset and dejected. As if, someone is taking away the only good thing in my life. The only thing I can control, the only thing that doesnt judge me.

When I met my coach and started my fitness journey last year, the first thing that changed was my relationship with food. The self coaching that I gave to myself to stop looking at food as a channel, outlet or means of solving for emotions was perhaps one of the most important things to happen in years to me. As I educated myself more and more on how excess food is poison and the damage sugar in many forms does to the body, the importance of consuming only what is needed kept becoming clearer.

Today I look at food as medicine and I have no shame in admitting that. I understand what good taste is and indulge in it once in a while, but with a clear knowledge that it is all but an indulgence. The taste of most of the food gets perceived as good because of the sugar content in it (fructose, lactose, maltose etc) and the more food is consumed for taste than need, it ends up harming the body than doing it much good.

Today I understand food must be eaten to survive, thrive and to have energy to think clearly, physically work and have a healthy body. Not eating food or fasting is as important as eating if not more and restraint has a role to play as well in keeping the body healthy.

The reason I opened up about my long toxic relationship with food is to make aware that addiction comes in many forms. Too much of anything is addiction, not just alcohol or drugs or smoking. Too much food, music, phone, whatever be that you link to your brains reward system can become an addiction.

Food is not the solution. Food is barely food. It has a place in life to help get us energy that we need for survival. If you had an addiction to food or cant live without certain food groups, or stress eat or do emotional eating, talk to a coach or a friend who can help you talk through this, solve for this.

There’s a world of health benefits on the other side of food addiction. You can enjoy your occasional meal, and yet live a healthy and fit life physically and emotionally. Just give yourself a chance.

Did the famous deaths of the past two days shock you?

India has witnessed deaths of two much loved and eminent celebrities in the last two days – Irrfan Khan, on April 29th, 2020 and Rishi Kapoor on April 30th.
And it is affecting people emotionally – normal, celebrities, influencers all alike.

In these days of Covid19, when all are locked down with nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to meet – screens take precedence – work laptops, mobile, tablets, TVs et al. Even minor news items are hard to ignore and become hot topics for discussion to fulfil our innate need to socialise, express ourselves and converse with other human beings. Our screens are filled with news items as well as personal sentiments about current situations – such shocking deaths are all, one talks about, reads and hears about. So there is no escaping getting affected by these deaths.

There was a very interesting HBR article that I read on anticipated grief recently – you can read it here (https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief). The storm of emotions inside us all these days, combined with focused news about death and permanent loss of larger than life figures brings about a heightened sense of grief. Simply put, we see the news of them dying, we go to social media to express that sadness or shock on our FB,twitter,insta which is already filled with our people expressing their distress. So there is no escape or outlet in real from the starkness of the reality of these deaths and what it does to our already subconsciously fearful minds. It reminds us of our own impermanence, our own imminent ends and those of our loved ones. 🙂

The biggest mystery, that what happens to us after death, keeps us uncomfortable about facing news and trivia of death all our lives. Death is equal parts mysterious, scary and fascinating. The fear of letting go of all that we have collected, earned, loved all our lives with that one moment taking it all away, keeps us scared. The fear of death and afterlife is what world’s religions and principles of morality are based on. What our belief systems are based on. Our whole life is a series of pre arranged activities meant to survive and avoid death -in humans, these activities have become such refined rituals, that we don’t see their morbidity unabashed on a day to day basis. Death and dying in our carefully constructed society have rituals build around them in a way, that it helps us forget and move on quickly and look forward to next day – get absorbed in the daily. This is done so we remain sane and emotionally healthy – but with that our priorities get diluted as well and we become absorbed in non important things of life.

Now, none of us reading this will escape death. Death is the biggest truth of all our lives- the only one certainly that we were born with – that WE. WILL. DIE. someday..

With this perspective in mind, either we can learn or continue letting ourselves feel unsettled. Keep feeling shocked over why did they both die, die so young – without facing the truth that we will die too and so will those around us – no one knows when, but we all will. So knowing this – what would you do next – grieve, avoid or learn? Here are few questions to you in light of these recent deaths, that I suggest you ask yourselves and literally write the answers somewhere:

Knowing that death is imminent and literally any moment away, how will you prioritise your life in large and small moments, thus?
Will you still want to keep blaming others for your unhappiness, or take the mantle of creating happiness on your own?
What regrets do you not want to die with? What unsaid words do you want to say – apologies, confessions, rants, complaints and get over with them?
Who do you want to forgive, ask forgiveness from, tell them you love them and that they are important to you?
Are you wishing your life away everyday by dragging yourself through work, life and responsibilities – living from weekend to weekend, wasting a huge chunk of your life in weekdays or choosing and accepting what you do and embracing it?
Are you living by others’ rulebook for their validation or approval or making courageous decisions and standing by them?
How would you like to remembered? Are you working towards it?
Are you prioritising a bully boss, a fake friend, a criticising relative, a narcissistic partner or anyone who generally doesnt care whether you live or die so much that you’ve forgotten that it doesnt matter to them if you die tomorrow? That you are the easiest replacement in their life?
Are you working on what you truly want, your bucket list?
Does everyone that you love, know enough that you love them?
Are you being a good person, a kind soul and leaving the world a better place than you found it? Or are you behaving in a way that people will be relived to see you dead?
Are you enjoying each moment, being grateful for all that you’ve been blessed with and cutting your losses every day?
In summary, are you living life in a way that truly matters to you, or living by someone else’s standards?

Life is too short for regrets. There is a lot to enjoy and be grateful for. There is a lot to endure too. If today you feel a little uncomfortable and freaked out and morbid about these deaths, don’t let that feeling overpower you. But also don’t let that feeling die. Or try to bury it at the back of your head. A constant realisation of our mortality, of the non-permanence of it all keeps priorities in check. Keeps us honest about what is truly important and motivates us to stay authentic.

Life is going to end one day. For you. And for me. And maybe it is a good thing. Because it is only when we step into the unknown, that new beginnings take shape…